Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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