I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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