I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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