remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
as a side note pls kill me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
