i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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