dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
