Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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