Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize