Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
