It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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