If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
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He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.