Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
