Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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