Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would ride that face into the sunset
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize