In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize