I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
