So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
