Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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