Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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