I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
