Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
