She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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