we have pet lesbian snakes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
