i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
