dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
