It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
