somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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