But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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