when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
