I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The air taste purple.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
