theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
