Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
