This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
