How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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