The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
