I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
