The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
