Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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