come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
