You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
