i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
