He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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