textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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