Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
