Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
