The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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