dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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