I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
