i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He shit in the fireplace
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
