My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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