I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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