I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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