She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
