Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She needs sedatives and a leash
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
