we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
