so that wasnt chicken after all
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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