Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
