i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
