my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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