I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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