I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
People in love make me want to vomit
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
