I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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