She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish you could order shots online.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
