Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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