Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
