I must be too annoying 4 u.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
