so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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