So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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