i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
